Love them deeply...hold them loosely

In recent months, by way of the internet, I have stumbled across a multitude of stories about families who have children, daddies or mommies with cancer or other terminal illness. I watched the twitter updates as little Layla slowly slipped away at age 2...shallow breaths, not eating or drinking, too weak to lift her head...At times just reading their stories has been overwhelming to me and I have spent many hours through the night or in the midst of my day sobbing & praying and have found myself interceding in their behalf though I've never met them.

The power of the internet to communicate these stories is wonderful and the way it brings people to prayer is pretty amazing. As a wife and mom of 3 young children I get a lump in my throat knowing that cancer, death and disease know no limits and that any one of us is susceptible. My imagination is pretty vivid and I have to be careful not to think too far ahead. Still, I know that God is faithful and I believe that His plan is good. Ultimately I have to make a choice to trust that and believe that it is enough.


I have found myself posing questions and begging God...quite literally....to not let my children ever become sick....to protect us....to please not let me ever bury one of them or soothe them as they slip away. Sadly, this is not an impossibility. While even the thought of losing a child or my husband nauseates me I am learning to choose to hold them loosely, love them more deeply and serve them better. I hope that it won't take cancer to make me a better wife....a better mom...or a better friend. My children and my husband belong to the Lord...they are a gift to me and not mine to keep...this is SO hard for me to remember. I act so often as though they are mine indefinitely...and I know this isn't true.


This is Zac...he's 33 and 10 months ago was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. He is home and on hospice care...praying for a miracle and planning to leave his wife and boys behind. I hope his short video encourages you...it's worth the few minutes to watch.

The Story of Zac Smith from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

Thea

Politics and Jesus

Random thoughts here...

I've seen a variety of responses via facebook and twitter over the recent healthcare craziness. Some claiming it's a sign of the end-times, others claiming we should just stop being upset and be kind and loving as Christians and still others encouraging people to vote this year and in 2012 to oust the dictators from office. Pfew! What a peanut gallery to sort through!

Sorry to say I don't have "the answer" on how to respond but I think there are a few important ideas here to consider...1) Jesus will be here eventually whether sooner or later so keeping that in mind is always important 2) Love is not displayed in niceties but in compassion, truth, forgiveness, patience, kindness, etc. So by my estimation there is nothing wrong with honestly saying that this bill is unconstitutional, full of things nobody has yet to lay eyes on and could easily bankrupt our country. Those are three things that are cause for great concern and affect EVERY American young or old, rich, poor, etc.

I think it's important to be good stewards of this gift we have in freedom. To not squander the efforts of those who have gone before us to insure we have these freedoms. That, I think, is godly and full of character and integrity.

Maybe it's more in the delivery and the process than in the disagreement. So, I am exercising my current freedom, as an American and a Christian, to say that this bill is the worst in my lifetime to date and the administration who put it in place is failing miserably at representing the majority of the American population. It's sad and sometimes frightening. Still, I can only do my part and trust God for the rest....and so can you.

Let's be faithful with this gift of freedom and honorable to all those who gave it to us as well as the one who holds it all in His hands and sees tomorrow. It's our right...and our responsibility.

Many men, women...fathers...mothers...daughters and sons have sacrificed. Grandparents have lost grandchildren and children. Children have lost parents. It's our job to be sure their loss and their gift wasn't for nothing. To honorably serve, to look also to the needs of others and not just to our own needs. To speak the truth, in love. These are all godly things & to sit idly by would be a grave mistake. It is my hope that in the wake of this, America will still be the land of the free and the home of the brave. Of course whether that rings true is fully up to us.

Olivia Belongs to Jesus

About 2 weeks ago we were dropping Eric off at work in the morning and I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to talk to Olivia about Jesus living in her heart. I have to be honest, I didn't expect that and I didn't know what to say. We had a brief and somewhat uninteresting discussion..she didn't seem too interested so I just left it where it was and figured it would come up again eventually.

Fast forward 1 week later...little Layla Grace was becoming a regular topic of discussion in our home and we had been praying for her for some time. As she grew weaker our discussions changed and many new topics were broached. Olivia walked into Levi's nursery one night while I was praying...face down...crying...and a blubbery mess. Hmmm...how do I explain this to a 3 year old? She seemed concerned that I was crying and we discussed how sometimes when we pray and believe God for something we can feel so strongly that tears are the only way to express those strong emotions. As Layla grew weaker still I talked with Olivia about how God sometimes heals us by fixing our bodies here, on the Earth, and other times He heals our bodies by giving us a new one. She seemed intrigued by that. Still, she remembered multiple times a day to ask Jesus to "please make Layla's body so that it isn't broken anymore and that she won't be afraid" (her words).

There is a worship song by Kathryn Scott called "I belong". The lyrics simply say
"I belong, I belong to you...I belong...I belong to you. Nothing can take me from your great love, forever this truth remains...." When I was praying for Layla and her family this song ministered to my heart...reminding me that no matter what, here or in Heaven, NOTHING can separate us from the love of God. Nothing can separate my little ones from the love of God...nothing could separate Layla from His love...it remains the same, constant and unchanged...in life and in death. His love holds our hand as we walk through trouble and heartache...it holds our hearts in uncertainty...and it holds us when what we face we do not understand.

I sang the song over and over and the girls sang it with me...in the car, while cooking, folding laundry. It's a simple chorus and means so much.

Today as we drove to pick up Eric from work, Liv said "Mommy sing the forever song" I had no idea what she was talking about. Eventually we came around to her singing "forever your love remains" and I understood what she was talking about. I sang with her as her brother and sister napped and a sweet spirit settled over us in the van with our worship. After a while of singing she smiled and looked at me in the mirror...

"Liv, do you know who mommy belongs to?"

"Daddy"

"Yes...but more than that Mommy belongs to Jesus...Do you know why?"

"Yes"

"Mommy belongs to Jesus because I asked him to live in my heart...I belong to Him now and forever"

"I asked him to live in my heart, too"

"You did? What did you say to him?"

"Ummmm...."

"We just ask him by saying, Jesus...please come live in my heart....be the Lord of my life...help me to know you and love you and obey all the things you tell me to do"

unprompted, she repeated the prayer after me.

She started singing the simple chorus again and I sang with her...and cried...as we drove down the highway - we talked about how special it is to ask Jesus to live inside of us and that she belongs to Jesus...how much He loves her and that He will always protect her. I reminded her how Layla went to Heaven to be with Jesus and that now, she too, would go to Heaven some day and maybe she could meet Layla there :).

Such a special time...driving down the highway....with all the other drivers none the wiser. It's amazing how eternal moments happen while others continue on with daily lives, phone calls and conversations. I'm so glad my minivan, complete with toys and old french fries isn't too humble for the presence of God.

I feel humbled and blessed by the sweet presence of the Lord in our home, our car, and our lives today.

Thea