Merry Christmas from the Smiths

We wish you and yours a day full of love, laughter &

special memories to
last your whole life long!

tip #1 **scroll to the bottom of this page and hit the pause button prior to pressing play on the video!**

tip #2 if you double click on the video it'll open it in a new window so you can expand and watch it full-screen :)

9 Things

It's been over a month since I've blogged! To say we've had a lot going on is an understatement!

Outside my window….A lot of Colorado Sunshine on this cool fall day. It's a perfect day for an afternoon hike which seems to be on the docket for later!

I am hearing…Eric read portions of "Revolution in World Missions" by K.P. Yohannan ...an eye-opener...and recalls to my heart a longing and love for those who haven't heard and don't know the great love of Jesus.

Some highlights from the week… Where do I start? :) A break from school!! Thanksgiving dinner with my parents, Dad who has just finished chemotherapy and my brother and his family complete with 6 adults and 6 children between us! Levi turned 1 on Thanksgiving Day and he is more precious by the moment. By far my most bittersweet first birthday yet. I snuggled him and teared up a bit tucking him in the night before just thinking about how quickly the first year flew by and how little time I have left to rock with him in the low-lit quiet of bedtime in his room. Today we are spending together and thus far we've had breakfast, read books and talked while the kids play on the living room floor. Perfect :).

I am thankful for… My heart is experiencing a greatfulness overload!! There is too much to recount. We are blessed beyond measure and experience a quality and overabundance in life few in the world have even witnessed.

From the kitchen… Leftovers, baby!

I am reading… Pharmacology and doing research on marijuana legislation...fun times.

I am hoping… Dad's blood work reveals a cancer-free body in December.

One of my favrite things… The upcoming White Light ceremony at the Broadmoor...a yearly Smith tradition with good friends!

A few plans for the rest of the week… Heading into finals, increasing workouts now that school break will be headed my way and preparing for visiting family!! :)

Have a blessed week!

T

Monday Morning Ballerina

It's early morning and a little chilly...still, my princess insists she must wear a ballerina costume complete with tutu and teenie tiny bare legs.

She spins in circles, closes her eyes and tip toes ever so carefully over to the sofa...one hand on the cushion for balance...pause... and the other leg goes up for a very ballerina pose :) Her bedhead makes the whole scene extra precious. Worship music fills the air and the sweetness of the moment is enough to make anyone's day look brighter.

My heart is full this morning. My life is far from perfect, I have often spread myself too thin and my to do list has more than one page of "immediate attention needed" items. Still, when I worship, I am content. Perspective really is everything...and for now, the immediate attention needed items aren't as immediate as time with my little ones and the Lord. I'm so grateful for little reflective moments like this. I love being a mom, I love my children and my husband. I love our life, our laughter and our closeness.

Such sweet moments...I pray these times fill the memories of our children as they grow into adulthood.

Enjoy what is before you today - don't be half hearted or divided in your heart or interests - life is so much sweeter that way.

T

9 Things

A friend of mine uses this on her blog and I thought it was a good idea for those times when I just don't have time to blog creatively!! :)

Outside my window….A starry, chilly night. It's really beginning to feel like fall!! We started our day in long sleeves and sweaters and as the Colorado sunshine kicked in we peeled off the layers...so very 'Colorado fall' of us :)

I am hearing…My hubby snore... :) He was so tired and I'm glad he's getting some rest. He's a pretty quiet snorer so no harm done!

Some highlights from the week… Saw a home we love in the area we'd like to settle for a while. Right size, right price, right location, right school district, etc. After the whirlwind of the past 2 years or so I'm grateful and done with moving. Levi has begun pulling up on things and is quite proud of himself...he is a little bundle of preciousness and I love him so. Saw Mom, Dad and my brother's 3 kiddos for dinner Friday night...as we walked into the restaurant I carried their 8 week old and the 5 others trailed behind me...I felt a little embarrassed with 2 car seats, 1 high chair and 3 regular chairs which everyone thought was all our own Ha!! Not even I can work that fast...6 babies in 5 years...no gracias. It was such a fun evening though and the kids were so good! Love my family :)

I am thankful for… My children. They make me laugh...not just appreciative grins either. The other day Levi and I were sitting together and he had me in a full belly laugh. He likes to say "g" just the letter sound...so I was saying it back and forth with him and his contagious smile and huge laughter was so infectious I couldn't help myself. He is a joy.

From the kitchen… Not much comin' from this kitchen lately. I'm so filled to the brim with things to accomplish between family and school that PBJ and the crockpot rule the roost!

I am reading… Most of my reading time is spent between the 1300+ pages of my pharmacology book. Surprisingly interesting...and equally long.

I am hoping… That I am awarded the scholarship I applied for last week!

One of my favorite things… The pumpkin candle that has been lit daily in our house for the past week and the matching wreath hanging on our mirror...I love fall.

A few plans for the rest of the week… School, homework, well child appointments, visits to the library, 3 huge tests, a birthday party and hopefully the pumpkin patch :)

Have a lovely weekend!!

T

Pretty much fabulous

Bathing suit with ruffles? Check!

Warm summer weather? Check!

Visiting Mamaw's where being really sticky is allowed as long as it's fun? Check!

Goggles to complete the look? Big, fat CHECK!

She is pretty much fabulous :) There really isn't a better word for my sweet Livvie Lou :)

MUAH!

Urgent...Please pray for Kaelyn

Many of you know this song ("I belong to you"...playing now if your speakers are on!) is dear to my heart but as I listened and worshiped this morning I couldn't help but think of Kaelyn. This is a photo of her yesterday morning....

And a photo of her last night :)

She's beautiful, isn't she? Her mommy is Tawni, such a wonderful woman who has been praying and fighting fiercely for her baby girl in every way. Kaelyn was diagnosed with significant heart defects in utero and it was even advised that she would not survive...and much to the surprise of the doctors, God has worked miracles in Kaelyn's heart already and she is here and so lovely. Still, she has much ahead of her. We all know God can heal her and can use doctors and medicine to help her heart but we don't know his plans...they are always higher and different than ours. Initially a heart procedure was scheduled for Thursday but due to evaluations of Kaelyn today they are considering a procedure tomorrow at 2pm. Things move quickly and decisions are to be made. Please pray for wisdom, peace and insight for Tony and Tawni and for a perfect heart for Kaelyn.

Still, Kaelyn is Tawni's baby girl and no matter the height of our faith, it can be overwhelming to not be able to do anything in the physical to help our little ones. Please pray for Kaelyn today and for her Mommy and Daddy...Tony and Tawni. You can follow more details here, at their site.

Kaelyn, you belong to Jesus and nothing can separate you from His love. He loves you more than you will ever know and you are held by the awesome and almighty hands of a living God.

Welcome to the world, sweet girl!
There are big plans in store for you! :)

Sugar Pie Honey Bun....You Know that I LOVE YOU!

My sugar pie is 4! Wow! :) I say that every year...and every year I reminisce about how quickly the time is passing and try to avoid the wonder about how fast the years will continue to go.

None the less, my little girl is becoming a big girl more quickly than I had ever imagined...and nothing is slowing her spunky little self down!

We celebrated at Fox Run Park this year with a small family celebration. Olivia would have preferred to go camping and roast marshmallows...she told me repeatedly that she wanted smores in lieu of a cake but temps in the high 80's made campfires not a great fit this year. :( We had a great time though!

Happy Birthday wonderful girl...you are smarter, sweeter, more lovely and more wonderful than I ever could have imagined! I'm so glad I get to be your Mommy.

He works hard for the money...

Yesterday I woke up and began my day the same way I do most days...with less sleep than I prefer and more on my plate than I'd like :). We did breakfast, I did laundry, kids were dressed and then naked and wearing dress up clothes before I had a chance to even put clothes on myself. :)

I was a little annoyed that it was already Tuesday and my husband was up early and off to the office and I knew he'd be home late despite my most hopeful wishes. It's a busy season of work for him and there is a lot on the horizon or in the "pipeline" as he'd say :). Some days I long for time alone with him...and that longing is followed by conflicted emotions of being without my children, whether they would be ok without us for the night, who would we trust to care for them...etc etc etc

Busy morning, busy mind...I think you get the picture.

Then I happened upon Hope's blog. Hope is a dear friend I have known now for about 10 years...we had our share of experiences from music to missions and early morning workouts in between. She is a beautiful and steadfast woman, honest and hard working...there are many things about her I admire and seek to learn myself :).

I think you'll enjoy this blog - it was just the perspective change I needed and so accurate I had to laugh :).

Enjoy!!

Apart from you - I have no good thing...

"...the American church is a difficult place to fit in if you want to live out New Testament Christianity. The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered..." - Francis Chan

Wow. looooong pause & re-read.

I read this on someone else's facebook this morning. I agreed with it wholeheartedly. I felt relieved and convicted all at the same time. I am guilty; I have pursued 'American Christianity' and have concerned myself with my image moreso than the true condition of my heart before the Lord. I've instructed my children regarding how to behave toward others and have been proud when others are impressed with their intelligence, their manners, their kindness. Not that this isn't important....it's the motivation that concerns me.

I feel relieved...that in my hunger for something more, my discontent with the American church at large and my wonderment over what the difference is between churches here and churches "there" overseas, in poor villages, in places where God is truly first. It's not just me....it's not that I am asking too much...it's not that I'm living in a day and age where miracles have changed in their nature. Sorry, if it doesn't look like a miracle - it's not. God never mistakes his wonders for every day activity. He alone is God...after all.

I hope this has caused you to think as much as it has caused me to think. I'm meditating on it...asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to me areas of my heart that are so indoctrinated with American culture that I have adapted the scriptures to fit them instead of the other way around. Will you do anything different tomorrow than you have today?

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." - Psalm 16:2

Jewelry & Target....for free! Really??

I saw this contest to win Lisa Leonard jewelry (love it - you have to see her stuff...so perfectly casual and darling!)

Aaaand

$100 to Target...

Get over there and enter! Or don't - it makes my chances of winning much better :)

T

She Gets Up While it is Still Dark

"A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies...She gets up while it is still dark" - Proverbs 31: 10 & 15a

Alright so obviously the emphasis and "..." are a little extreme - since those little dots replace an entire 5 verses! Still, that's about all I saw when I was reading this morning. Kids piled in bed; one naked 2 year old and a hungry 4 year old...baby fussing, I was dying for a little something from the Bible and decided to crack the pages and at least meditate on 1 proverb! So there was Proverb's 31 in all its glory...I used to read it often and strive to apply it however I was able. Then I got married and read "His Needs, Her Needs" and devoured love languages....then I was pregnant. This brought about "What to Expect" and all things Dr. Sears....after this I started school and became familiar with text books and research studies. I read lot of everything except my Bible. Time to get my priorities straight and spend time where it is needed most!

I joke but this did stick out to me. I have often thought that if I could just get up an hour before the rest of the troops, our day would flow much more smoothly. With school, homework and just generally relaxing in the nighttime hours I am often up much later than I care to admit. I think nursing babies has forever disrupted my sleeping cycle!!

There are so many places the Bible references getting up early....and there is nothing about my nature that cares to see the morning sky while stars are still in it...but I think it's a necessary and godly pursuit so that's my new goal - get up early! (Thank goodness for daylight savings time, right??)

So if I seem a little cranky in my tweeting or facebooking you will know why - nothing personal, just a little less sleep until my new, prov 31 schedule is functioning well and I'm tired earlier too!!

Do you get up early? How do you "get it all done"? When do you have quiet time?

Anyone want to get up early with me??? Bueller....Ferris....??


T

I Dream of Africa...

When I was a teenager I spent the majority of my free time doing things most teenagers probably thought was dorky, boring and basic social suicide. I did not attend prom or date in high school. I didn't spend much time "hanging out" with friends except a few from church. I really wanted so much to please God, and to gain the approval of those I looked up to. I think I was probably a "boring" person lol - no real drama to solve for a youth pastor and nothing exciting at school. My aspiriations ran deep and were bigger than school, grades or a social life. I didn't think much of myself or have great beauty or even a really fun personality. I was loyal and I loved great...at the time it didn't seem like much but in retrospect I feel like God was pleased, and that gives me joy.

I spent much of my time babysitting to raise money for missions and traveling to orphanages or humanitarian projects both stateside and abroad. Of those experiences the most marked and life-changing was a trip to Kenya, Africa with friends from church. Of the friends, Miss W was the eldest and is known by those who love her as a woman of wisdom. She is kind and tender...full of gentleness but so very strong. She and her children had lived in this part of Africa as missionaries for a number of years and her husband died tragically while living there; he was buried there as well. There were emotional parts of this visit for them and for me, it was a first exposure to real hurt...real tragedy...real poverty and a keen understanding that many thousands of miles from me there are people who are loved by God and whose plight in life is exceedingly difficult.

I will never forget kneeling in prayer, drinking hot...HOT chai or sleeping in Ngota Milai's hut in Loita the day we arrived there....after many hours of driving in the mountains of this particular area. When I saw her photo here, on Lisa's blog, the tears were quick to appear. She does not know me or the profound affect she has had on my heart or my life or that I pray for her even today, 15 years later. She loves Jesus and her family and her plight in life is much more laborious than mine. The Lord knows her intimately and sees her just as he sees me....amazing. My world, my outlook and my person are forever changed. Why does it take seeing someone so different from us to grasp a little more, the hugeness, the mercy, the greatness and goodness of God?

I still dream of Africa...of its people. I have no doubt God will use us there at some point along the way and I trust this desire is from Him and that His timing is perfect.

While we were there we met a wonderful family, the Bordens (Lisa & Byron), who had a ministry there and have continued to work there and many other places. You can see more on their ministry here. There are 4 children; Jesse, Trevor, Colin and their youngest, Heather. Lisa's love for her family, partnership with her husband and overall attitude has never left me. Her balance and most importantly her desire to intimately know and please the Lord has motivated me. I enjoy reading her blog...and she recently wrote a , Approaching God, that will be coming out soon and thought I'd share it all with you! She hardly knows more of me than my 14 year old self who visited Kenya in the 90's :) so there is no benefit in my sharing this with you other than that I believe you will be encouraged...go give a read :)

Put the Kettle on! Read...support their ministry...pray for them....you can thank me later! :)

Thea

Home grown haircut!

My little Olivia...she says she is Mamaw's "Girly girl" :) My girly girl decided to give herself a home-grown haircut. Where was I?? Good question. We had just had baths and gotten everyone ready for the day...strangely enough she had been growing out her hair and her bangs and I thought to myself "wow they are just long enough to stop pinning back...I love her long hair" We trimmed the back to keep it healthy and I set the scissors on the counter as we headed out the back door for some time in the sandbox and weed-picking for me! Liv went inside to go potty and not 3 minutes later did she appear on the back step, scissors in hand, saying "look at my beautiful haircut!" At first I thought she must be talking about the trim but as I squinted and focused in closer I realized something very important was missing...the front of her hair!! It was reminiscent of Jim Carey in a certain favorite movie...how on earth am I going to fix this!?? I explained it was now short like daddy and she was pretty excited about that and got really silly - these, friends, are the photographic proof lol.

Haircut with milk moustache to match... :) she thinks this is hilarious...still

Bangs anyone?? :)

And this, is the finished "repair work"

And the dramatic expressions to match :)

My sweet Olivia...full of life, imagination and very little fear of anything adventurous.

Speed Bum

The incredible, edible...

I could just eat him up! :)

Sweet boy...so full of wonder

He is nearly always smiley. His whole face smiles....

Can you even stand it!?

My wonderful little Levi...

Don't you just want to smooch his little cheeks...neck...tummy...whole self!? :) I love him so.

Aren't they wonderful?

I think so too...just absolutely precious in every way :)

Smile for the camera!

Welcome to the world sweet boy!

I love photography and enjoy photo shoots...namely portraits, people, families, etc. but I rarely have time to do it! A friend and doula client recently had a sweet baby boy and I was able to do some photos for them on Friday...what a sweet family and a precious baby :) Here are a few of the first shots!

How'd we get to 4??

.

I was making a photo CD today...and while it was burning I clicked through some older photos of Olivia...comparing and wondering if she and Levi looked similar. I took photos of her on a weekly basis. Ok maybe even more often :) I was surprised at how teary-eyed I was just looking back on the past almost 4 years. I wanted to reach into the photo, pull her sweet baby self out and snuggle...wow...

How did that go by so fast?
Did I hug, snuggle, cuddle enough?
Did I soak in the joy and wonder of every smile, giggle and new discovery??
Did I miss any opportunities to make her babyhood wonderful?? HOW IS HER BABYHOOD OVER!? Can we do that just once more?? Please?

Man - if I feel this way now I don't even want to know what it feels like to wake up and drive her to kindergarten...a driving test...college...her wedding. It makes my stomach feel sick, my heart feel excited for her and my mind reel. Ok, Liv...slow down...mommy isn't quite ready for school in a year and all the growing up that will seem to go much more quickly than it already has. At the same time...I am so excited. I'm proud of you and my heart has wonderful anticipation about all you have to offer and what wonder those who are blessed enough to know you will discover in you.

I love you so much - you are my sweet girl and so precious :) There is no better Olivia anywhere in all the world. I love your singing, your imagination, your desire to please Jesus, your bravery, spunk and your nurturing heart. I don't want to miss out...Jesus, remind me of this when I wish the hours away in anticipation of 'bed time' on difficult days...thank you so much for my sweet blessings. Words are simply not enough.

Thank you Jesus.

Slowing down

Sometimes life gets busy and while you realize it's getting busy, the intense pace doesn't occur to you until you realize just how fast the days go by and how much is packed into them... "SSSSTOOOOPPP! I WANT TO GET OFF!" Remember getting on a ride as a child only to realize it was much faster, bigger and scarier than you had imagined? Sometimes life feels that way. We want to be grown up, bigger, get a license, be 21, get married, have kids....etc. etc. etc. only to realize how big, busy and fast life becomes.

I've felt like getting off the ride a few times lately :).

We're slowing down the pace of life in our house...no school for the summer...less TV and more conversation...fewer appointments and more family time at the park...more friends over for dinner and less facebook...more attention on relationships and community and less on getting 'stuff' done. It's nice. Except for the school part we may just have to keep this up!!

I hope you're all able to slow things down a bit too...it all goes by so quickly - no sense in letting it all fly by only to realize what you've missed.

T

Have you ever...

...posted something on facebook and then wished you could erase it from the online world?? :) I have! I have!

Let's start from the very beginning...a very good place to start.... (shout out to Julie Andrews)

About 3 weeks ago I began having daily headaches, nausea and rediculous fatigue. Initially I thought I may have a surprise little bean on board...as in "SURPRISE you're pregnant!" but nope - not pregnant. Then I thought maybe migraines...but these headaches were different and after 2 weeks I got one that began in the daytime and continued through the evening and into the next day even after 2 doses of 800mg of ibuprofen, caffiene, you name it. This worried me so I paid a visit to my family doctor.

She was concerned that I may have a condition called pseudotumor cerebri whose most dangerous complication is blindness. Minor detail, right?? So my doctor sends me to a neurologist and gives me zofran for nausea & vicodin for the headache pain. Fast forward a couple days to find me at the neuro's office. I checked in and 15 minutes later was told "the doctor won't see you today; you need to have an mri first. Um...couldn't you have told me that before my husband took time away from the office and I took time away from my kids to be here? Bummer...oh well. So, after many phone calls an MRI is scheduled. After this I started having some fuzziness in my left eye and the dizziness increased as well as the intensity of the headaches. Of course after learning more about PC, I was afraid that since the symptoms are largely the same, I may have a brain tumor if it wasn't PC and that scared me even more.

Having an active imagination is fabulous where creative writing is concerned...where medicine is concerned, not so much....you should have seen me praying on my way to the MRI...lol - thank you Jesus for loving me in spite of my anger at the potential for disease and for letting me cast out tumors in Jesus' name :) Did you laugh? lol. I would have.

My fears led to my rogue "MRI in the AM" post on facebook...to me, it seemed like less of a big deal if I just share it with the world as opposed to calling friends and family and scaring everyone with this MRI business...my plan didn't work. Not only were friends and family concerned, they probably were like what?? MRI??? what's happening? sorry everyone...plan backfired. :)

The MRI went fine...not my favorite thing to do - having my head put in a "cage" and being put in a tiny tube is among my least favorite activities...yuck. Of course, no info is available before seeing the doc so I took the CD of images home to self-diagnose...looked pretty good to me but I wasn't sure.

This morning we went to the neurologist in Denver who was fabulous, kind and compassionate. He said my brain was perfect and he said it was poor practice for the other group to refer me for an MRI without actually seeing and evaluating me. Kind of an expensive mishap.... both in dollars and emotions. He feels it's most likely along the continuum of migraines, which I have had before. So, for now I have been given about 6 Rx to deal with the symptoms none of which I prefer to use. Next steps are chiropractic care and looking at potential triggers in my diet that can cause these symptoms. Meet with the doc again in 3 weeks or so.

So - praise God...He is good, He takes care of me...I'm so glad I belong to Him. Thank you to all who prayed and so sorry for anyone who was unnecessarily worried. All is well.

On an upside, that's the most alone time I've had with my husband since March....I love my time with him...he's wonderful :). More date nights to come!!

Memorial Day Weekend! YAY! :)

Thea

I got nothin...

Evelyn's clothing choice the other day...chicken costume & Thomas the Train boots :)

I have really wanted to blog these past few days but I always feel like what's happening is a whole lot of nothing. At least nothing worth writing about. Sure, I could find a happy moment, a thought, etc. but I've been inspired at inconvenient times and then it passes lol. Here's the shortie update...the "man version" update if you ask my husband...

• School's out! I'm taking the summer off...my first semester off in 2 years! I wrapped up with all A's and 2 B's... not my best semester but with all that has happened outside of school I am pleased with those grades. I had 15 credit hours this semester including Anatomy Physiology and Organic and Biochemistry.


• Levi is eating solids and sooo close to sitting on his own! Sleeping through the night like a champ and just as precious as he can be...probably the smiliest baby EVER. He is chunky and full of lovely baby rolls, complements of mommy's milk and I'm pretty proud of that :) Those thighs are the best handful of baby you will ever see!!


• Evelyn is nearly done potty training. She is doing great! Very proud of herself. She's learning colors and counts well also working on some letter recognition. She just turned 2 and 2 months this past week :)


• Olivia is getting so big...I can't believe she'll be 4 in August. She counts well and is working on writing her letters and learning to spell her name...all fun things for her. She is very smart and has a pretty impressive vocabulary for a 3 year old. She's a very good helper and loves to have a "job" to do most of the time. She is a strong-willed girl but when it's aimed in the right direction, what a blessing. Such a tender heart, though...a great combination, if you ask me!


• Eric is excelling at work and his boss has discussed with him the potential for lots of future projects...the execs in his office have been talking about him and are implementing his ideas on other teams because of his success there - I'm so proud of him and his hard work. He would be embarrassed to read this and wouldn't toot his own horn but...that's what I'm here for! :) I adore him...lucky me to be his wife! :)


• It's almost summer in Colorado...no,really...it was snowing a few days ago. C'mon sunshine!!


• Looking forward to the zoo and playdates this week


• Dad is doing ok - chemotherapy sucks ...sorry there just is no more mild or kind, feminine way to say it...it's harsh, difficult and terrible to go through. My heart aches for anyone who has had to walk this road or who has walked it with a family member. His surgery recovery is going well and he seems more able to tolerate the side effects of chemotherapy as the recovery from surgery progresses. It is about a 2 month recovery just to resume a normal diet so we are coming up on that 2 month timeframe the 5th of June. He is a strong man and very determined to handle this with courage though I know at times it is more than overwhelming. Thanks for your prayers - please don't stop praying...we need them.


• Have my big clinicals entrance exam on June 7...AH! Studying studying studying...a little at a time is best. Covers chemistry, anatomy physiology, biology, various parts of math, english, vocabulary, work and learning style, etc....no pressure lol.

Oooh it's just about time to make dinner!!! :) Gotta run!

Thea

Uno Mas...

Great giveaway if you want your blog designed by designgirl! :)

Check it out at The Design Girl Blog!!

T

Lisa Leonard Giveaway at The Design Girl blog!!!

Check it out HERE ! Love Lisa Leonard's stuff..perfect for Mother's Day!!

Promises

"Where can I go from your spirit, where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there...if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you. The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" - Psalm 137: 7-14

I haven't updated recently...the pace of life picked up significantly just following Dad's diagnosis...researching doctors, trying to find the best of the best and make sure insurance covers the best...insurance paperwork, FMLA paperwork, short-term disability insurance, cancer insurance, meals scheduled, homework accomplished, tests taken, laundry done and house clean, leaving town for a week, etc. Had a teacher who thought cancer wasn't a good enough reason to turn in a late assignment which cost me an entire letter grade. Not kidding. Pfew! Honestly so much has gone on that it has been a feat of will to just put one foot in front of the other and accomplish things at times but I have to say that in all honesty, I don't feel overwhelmed.

I have had moments of crying like I've not cried before and moments of pure numbness that make it difficult to be myself. Thank God for a husband who is kind and longsuffering...he has been loving and supportive, cried with me, held us all and his patience has been a steady source of consistency. Friends have brought meals and that has been an immense blessing to my parents...the visits, well wishes, emails, cards and plants have been constant encouragement, too.

Today Dad is waiting for a cat scan and still in considerable pain. It has been 2 weeks and 1 day since surgery but recovery takes months. It can take 6-8 weeks to resume a normal diet after this intense of a surgery. At this point Dad is supposed to have a port surgically inserted Friday in preparation for chemo. It's like a borrage of medical treatment for him...hardly enough time to catch a breath before the next procedure. He wants so much to attack this thing and be done with it but the process is really quite painful, exhausting and stressful. Concern over bills and expenses looms as the medical expenses pile up and claim forms are sent back and forth.

The oncologist has recommended 6 months of chemotherapy and was very positive about DAd's prognosis. Dad will be meeting with a specialist in GI Cancers at University of Colorado Cancer Centers. We'll see what he has to say and then go from there.

We appreciate your prayers, your encouragement and your practical help. Please continue to pray for my parents...for wisdom in which treatments to focus on and pursue, which doctor to trust and work with primarily, pain relief and patience. Mostly, please pray that this will be an opportunity for our family to draw closer to the Lord and to know Him better as we grow in faith and trust. When all is said and done, that's all we really have anyway.

Live from Las Vegas... well, mostly alive...the kids didn't sleep well last night :) ,

Thea

Day 3 AM Update

Look at that handsome stud!!! That, my friends...is strength, compassion and self-sacrifice all rolled up into the best hugger I know. :) Joshuah & I like to call him Dad...my kids call him Papa and mom calls him Kirb.

Just a quick update this AM....Dad was up all night. He has an epidural for pain, however, the medication causes him to itch uncontrollably...not like a little itching which is common with the narcotics but intense itching from the inside out. They have offered medication to counteract the effects but it isn't working so they turned down the pain medication which leaves him less itchy but in pain...it's a tough balance to find. The doctor mentioned they can try another medication so we are praying they will do that quickly. He can't eat or drink and his roommate has been feasting so I'm sure that adds to the frustration of recovery.

Please pray they will find a pain medication balance that will keep him comfortable and able to rest and relax. Pray for his roommate to be courteous. Please also pray for his recovery to be quick and for no other issues...they are concerned about pneumonia setting in as his pain levels have made it impossible for him to get up and move. He's doing breathing exercises to help prevent any pneumonia.

Thanks so much for taking the time to pray for Dad.

T

Cancer sucks...day 2

Well, this new reality has settled with us all a bit. Then it unsettles and we all cry a lot...and then we find faith and look ahead with hope knowing that God has been mericful in letting this be found now, before it got worse.

This morning mom and dad went to the hospital and met with a doctor. I'm pretty sure dad left the meeting with the surgeon a little nauseated and nervous and understandably so. About 1 1/2 feet was removed from his colon as well as the surrounding lymph nodes and the tumor which was about the size of a tangerine. He didn't see any areas of concern in the liver or surrounding areas and said the lymph nodes didn't give him any indication for concern although they will be sent to pathology for testing along with everything else. At this point the initial diagnosis is Stage II colon cancer. When I left the hospital he had a fever and was struggling with the reaction to the pain medication. The pathology results will confirm all of the doctor's preliminary thoughts in a few days which will give us the info necessary to form a plan (chemo, etc.). The surgeon was pleased and said there were no surprises...we are so grateful for that.

When we got to the hospital dad had just gone into surgery so we spent several hours sitting with mom...it was nice to just sit and talk and discuss together. After the surgeon came out to talk to us I think we both regained an appetite and grabbed a little dinner before meeting dad upstairs; nobody was allowed in recovery. I could tell he was uncomfortable; he is allergic to his pain meds and the benadryl and nubain weren't helping the itching so they are working on that. He was obviously uncomfortable but of course, concerned for us and not wanting anyone to worry about him. He was touched about all of the kind comments everyone has had about him and all of the prayers...it means so much more than anyone knows.

It's amazing how, when you find yourself in the thick of things, people show up to offer support and love...that's what life is about. No amount of money, level of comfort or sense of accomplishment can rival the value of relationships...family and friends carry with them the weight of eternity, memories and largely define where we fit in the world.

I appreciate you...my family appreciates you...every prayer, every kind comment is a blessing in a way you cannot understand. Thank you for covering dad with prayer and encouraging him with love and laughter.

We do not yet know what road will be ahead but we do know that we will walk it together.

I'll update as much as possible here.

Thea

Cancer sucks

Have you ever met my dad? He's fun...funny...all about his family. Committed...hard working. He has a great laugh and the lines in his cheeks when he smiles (like a real smile) make his smile contagious. Everyone loves him.

This is a post I don't want to write...not sure how to write...and am too tired to write. Still, somehow, writing gives me some peace since I can sort through thoughts and articulate them in a way that I can leave them on the page and relax.

Today I woke up to the sounds of kids talking in their bedroom and Eric getting ready for work...a normal day. I had homework, a few tests and a lab to complete which felt a little impossible. I knew Dad was having a colonoscopy this morning; something he wasn't fond of and has been putting off for a while after years of stomach problems and pain. The past few days it has occurred to me "what if he has cancer?" and I dismissed it really thinking it couldn't be...but it kept coming up and there has been a part of me that was expecting it. I felt guilty for 'expecting' it and set it all aside.

This afternoon I ran upstairs to grab my phone and computer so I could study for a test. I saw that I had a voice mail and immediately I knew. I didn't want to check the message or see who had called...I knew it was from mom.

I dialed and listened and it was too uninformative of a voice mail to not be bad...she doesn't usually leave messages just for the sake of saying nothing...after a few texts we finally got on the phone...

"What'd the doctor say?"

"They found a tumor...it's cancer"

"I don't know why...but I knew it"

"Me too"

What do you say??? How do you respond?? How do you soak it in?? How do you get on the phone without hysterically crying? So many questions and so few answers. Dad got in the car with mom and I heard him in the background making jokes and complaining about the procedure...he said if he had chemo and lost his hair he'd be devastated lol (for those who don't know...he's bald ;) ) still, he has promised to tattoo green eyebrows if those go too. I'd venture to guess he doesn't remember telling me that thanks to the medications from the colonoscopy :). The conversation, all in all, was light hearted. I hung up feeling ill.

Colon cancer. Cancer. Cancer of the colon. Surgery. Tumor. Chemo. How do these words relate to our lives now?? I feel angry...at cancer. Angry at the situation. Broken hearted....for my mom, for my dad, my brother...for myself. While I understand that cancer is not a death sentence I also understand it can be uncertain. I can't control it....I can't talk to it, reason with it or make deals with it. I hate that.

My mind feels like it has been racing today - filtering through all the scriptures I know, playing through scenarios, praying for wisdom, grace, healing and mercy...looking at this situation as though it were a movie and not a part of the story that is my family.

Still, aside from all that. I love my family. I deeply love my father...I am his girl...the only one. He has a wife and 1 daughter...and I'm so glad it's me. We're a tight family...things are nuts and we annoy eachother and our lifestyles vary greatly but in the thick of it...when the poop hits the fan...we are always there for eachother. This will be the same - we will laugh, cry and walk together through this journey and the ones that follow.

I called dad back tonight. I didn't have a reason except that it bothered me that I was light hearted with him instead of telling him that I was scared and concerned...that I love him...and that he's not allowed to pretend to be superman all the time. It was a hard but special honest conversation. I didn't have anything to say...I just wanted to talk and be near him. I assured him I was not "all wrapped around the axle" - this is his way of saying 'don't freak out and lose it'. :)

Please pray for us. Nobody wants to walk through this but I am determined to do it well and if anyone walk through this and come out on the other end with some awesome stories to tell - Dad can. He is, after all, stronger than your dad...he can beat up your dad...he can beat up cancer...he loves Jesus and he is Irish. I don't know if there is really a better combo. Cancer sucks...but we will get through this.

Step 1...remove part of his colon tomorrow...and get more information. We don't know what time surgery will be. Probably early -mid afternoon.

Thea

Love them deeply...hold them loosely

In recent months, by way of the internet, I have stumbled across a multitude of stories about families who have children, daddies or mommies with cancer or other terminal illness. I watched the twitter updates as little Layla slowly slipped away at age 2...shallow breaths, not eating or drinking, too weak to lift her head...At times just reading their stories has been overwhelming to me and I have spent many hours through the night or in the midst of my day sobbing & praying and have found myself interceding in their behalf though I've never met them.

The power of the internet to communicate these stories is wonderful and the way it brings people to prayer is pretty amazing. As a wife and mom of 3 young children I get a lump in my throat knowing that cancer, death and disease know no limits and that any one of us is susceptible. My imagination is pretty vivid and I have to be careful not to think too far ahead. Still, I know that God is faithful and I believe that His plan is good. Ultimately I have to make a choice to trust that and believe that it is enough.


I have found myself posing questions and begging God...quite literally....to not let my children ever become sick....to protect us....to please not let me ever bury one of them or soothe them as they slip away. Sadly, this is not an impossibility. While even the thought of losing a child or my husband nauseates me I am learning to choose to hold them loosely, love them more deeply and serve them better. I hope that it won't take cancer to make me a better wife....a better mom...or a better friend. My children and my husband belong to the Lord...they are a gift to me and not mine to keep...this is SO hard for me to remember. I act so often as though they are mine indefinitely...and I know this isn't true.


This is Zac...he's 33 and 10 months ago was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. He is home and on hospice care...praying for a miracle and planning to leave his wife and boys behind. I hope his short video encourages you...it's worth the few minutes to watch.

The Story of Zac Smith from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

Thea

Politics and Jesus

Random thoughts here...

I've seen a variety of responses via facebook and twitter over the recent healthcare craziness. Some claiming it's a sign of the end-times, others claiming we should just stop being upset and be kind and loving as Christians and still others encouraging people to vote this year and in 2012 to oust the dictators from office. Pfew! What a peanut gallery to sort through!

Sorry to say I don't have "the answer" on how to respond but I think there are a few important ideas here to consider...1) Jesus will be here eventually whether sooner or later so keeping that in mind is always important 2) Love is not displayed in niceties but in compassion, truth, forgiveness, patience, kindness, etc. So by my estimation there is nothing wrong with honestly saying that this bill is unconstitutional, full of things nobody has yet to lay eyes on and could easily bankrupt our country. Those are three things that are cause for great concern and affect EVERY American young or old, rich, poor, etc.

I think it's important to be good stewards of this gift we have in freedom. To not squander the efforts of those who have gone before us to insure we have these freedoms. That, I think, is godly and full of character and integrity.

Maybe it's more in the delivery and the process than in the disagreement. So, I am exercising my current freedom, as an American and a Christian, to say that this bill is the worst in my lifetime to date and the administration who put it in place is failing miserably at representing the majority of the American population. It's sad and sometimes frightening. Still, I can only do my part and trust God for the rest....and so can you.

Let's be faithful with this gift of freedom and honorable to all those who gave it to us as well as the one who holds it all in His hands and sees tomorrow. It's our right...and our responsibility.

Many men, women...fathers...mothers...daughters and sons have sacrificed. Grandparents have lost grandchildren and children. Children have lost parents. It's our job to be sure their loss and their gift wasn't for nothing. To honorably serve, to look also to the needs of others and not just to our own needs. To speak the truth, in love. These are all godly things & to sit idly by would be a grave mistake. It is my hope that in the wake of this, America will still be the land of the free and the home of the brave. Of course whether that rings true is fully up to us.