Love them deeply...hold them loosely

In recent months, by way of the internet, I have stumbled across a multitude of stories about families who have children, daddies or mommies with cancer or other terminal illness. I watched the twitter updates as little Layla slowly slipped away at age 2...shallow breaths, not eating or drinking, too weak to lift her head...At times just reading their stories has been overwhelming to me and I have spent many hours through the night or in the midst of my day sobbing & praying and have found myself interceding in their behalf though I've never met them.

The power of the internet to communicate these stories is wonderful and the way it brings people to prayer is pretty amazing. As a wife and mom of 3 young children I get a lump in my throat knowing that cancer, death and disease know no limits and that any one of us is susceptible. My imagination is pretty vivid and I have to be careful not to think too far ahead. Still, I know that God is faithful and I believe that His plan is good. Ultimately I have to make a choice to trust that and believe that it is enough.


I have found myself posing questions and begging God...quite literally....to not let my children ever become sick....to protect us....to please not let me ever bury one of them or soothe them as they slip away. Sadly, this is not an impossibility. While even the thought of losing a child or my husband nauseates me I am learning to choose to hold them loosely, love them more deeply and serve them better. I hope that it won't take cancer to make me a better wife....a better mom...or a better friend. My children and my husband belong to the Lord...they are a gift to me and not mine to keep...this is SO hard for me to remember. I act so often as though they are mine indefinitely...and I know this isn't true.


This is Zac...he's 33 and 10 months ago was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. He is home and on hospice care...praying for a miracle and planning to leave his wife and boys behind. I hope his short video encourages you...it's worth the few minutes to watch.

The Story of Zac Smith from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

Thea