I got nothin...

Evelyn's clothing choice the other day...chicken costume & Thomas the Train boots :)

I have really wanted to blog these past few days but I always feel like what's happening is a whole lot of nothing. At least nothing worth writing about. Sure, I could find a happy moment, a thought, etc. but I've been inspired at inconvenient times and then it passes lol. Here's the shortie update...the "man version" update if you ask my husband...

• School's out! I'm taking the summer off...my first semester off in 2 years! I wrapped up with all A's and 2 B's... not my best semester but with all that has happened outside of school I am pleased with those grades. I had 15 credit hours this semester including Anatomy Physiology and Organic and Biochemistry.


• Levi is eating solids and sooo close to sitting on his own! Sleeping through the night like a champ and just as precious as he can be...probably the smiliest baby EVER. He is chunky and full of lovely baby rolls, complements of mommy's milk and I'm pretty proud of that :) Those thighs are the best handful of baby you will ever see!!


• Evelyn is nearly done potty training. She is doing great! Very proud of herself. She's learning colors and counts well also working on some letter recognition. She just turned 2 and 2 months this past week :)


• Olivia is getting so big...I can't believe she'll be 4 in August. She counts well and is working on writing her letters and learning to spell her name...all fun things for her. She is very smart and has a pretty impressive vocabulary for a 3 year old. She's a very good helper and loves to have a "job" to do most of the time. She is a strong-willed girl but when it's aimed in the right direction, what a blessing. Such a tender heart, though...a great combination, if you ask me!


• Eric is excelling at work and his boss has discussed with him the potential for lots of future projects...the execs in his office have been talking about him and are implementing his ideas on other teams because of his success there - I'm so proud of him and his hard work. He would be embarrassed to read this and wouldn't toot his own horn but...that's what I'm here for! :) I adore him...lucky me to be his wife! :)


• It's almost summer in Colorado...no,really...it was snowing a few days ago. C'mon sunshine!!


• Looking forward to the zoo and playdates this week


• Dad is doing ok - chemotherapy sucks ...sorry there just is no more mild or kind, feminine way to say it...it's harsh, difficult and terrible to go through. My heart aches for anyone who has had to walk this road or who has walked it with a family member. His surgery recovery is going well and he seems more able to tolerate the side effects of chemotherapy as the recovery from surgery progresses. It is about a 2 month recovery just to resume a normal diet so we are coming up on that 2 month timeframe the 5th of June. He is a strong man and very determined to handle this with courage though I know at times it is more than overwhelming. Thanks for your prayers - please don't stop praying...we need them.


• Have my big clinicals entrance exam on June 7...AH! Studying studying studying...a little at a time is best. Covers chemistry, anatomy physiology, biology, various parts of math, english, vocabulary, work and learning style, etc....no pressure lol.

Oooh it's just about time to make dinner!!! :) Gotta run!

Thea

Uno Mas...

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T

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Promises

"Where can I go from your spirit, where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there...if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you. The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" - Psalm 137: 7-14

I haven't updated recently...the pace of life picked up significantly just following Dad's diagnosis...researching doctors, trying to find the best of the best and make sure insurance covers the best...insurance paperwork, FMLA paperwork, short-term disability insurance, cancer insurance, meals scheduled, homework accomplished, tests taken, laundry done and house clean, leaving town for a week, etc. Had a teacher who thought cancer wasn't a good enough reason to turn in a late assignment which cost me an entire letter grade. Not kidding. Pfew! Honestly so much has gone on that it has been a feat of will to just put one foot in front of the other and accomplish things at times but I have to say that in all honesty, I don't feel overwhelmed.

I have had moments of crying like I've not cried before and moments of pure numbness that make it difficult to be myself. Thank God for a husband who is kind and longsuffering...he has been loving and supportive, cried with me, held us all and his patience has been a steady source of consistency. Friends have brought meals and that has been an immense blessing to my parents...the visits, well wishes, emails, cards and plants have been constant encouragement, too.

Today Dad is waiting for a cat scan and still in considerable pain. It has been 2 weeks and 1 day since surgery but recovery takes months. It can take 6-8 weeks to resume a normal diet after this intense of a surgery. At this point Dad is supposed to have a port surgically inserted Friday in preparation for chemo. It's like a borrage of medical treatment for him...hardly enough time to catch a breath before the next procedure. He wants so much to attack this thing and be done with it but the process is really quite painful, exhausting and stressful. Concern over bills and expenses looms as the medical expenses pile up and claim forms are sent back and forth.

The oncologist has recommended 6 months of chemotherapy and was very positive about DAd's prognosis. Dad will be meeting with a specialist in GI Cancers at University of Colorado Cancer Centers. We'll see what he has to say and then go from there.

We appreciate your prayers, your encouragement and your practical help. Please continue to pray for my parents...for wisdom in which treatments to focus on and pursue, which doctor to trust and work with primarily, pain relief and patience. Mostly, please pray that this will be an opportunity for our family to draw closer to the Lord and to know Him better as we grow in faith and trust. When all is said and done, that's all we really have anyway.

Live from Las Vegas... well, mostly alive...the kids didn't sleep well last night :) ,

Thea

Day 3 AM Update

Look at that handsome stud!!! That, my friends...is strength, compassion and self-sacrifice all rolled up into the best hugger I know. :) Joshuah & I like to call him Dad...my kids call him Papa and mom calls him Kirb.

Just a quick update this AM....Dad was up all night. He has an epidural for pain, however, the medication causes him to itch uncontrollably...not like a little itching which is common with the narcotics but intense itching from the inside out. They have offered medication to counteract the effects but it isn't working so they turned down the pain medication which leaves him less itchy but in pain...it's a tough balance to find. The doctor mentioned they can try another medication so we are praying they will do that quickly. He can't eat or drink and his roommate has been feasting so I'm sure that adds to the frustration of recovery.

Please pray they will find a pain medication balance that will keep him comfortable and able to rest and relax. Pray for his roommate to be courteous. Please also pray for his recovery to be quick and for no other issues...they are concerned about pneumonia setting in as his pain levels have made it impossible for him to get up and move. He's doing breathing exercises to help prevent any pneumonia.

Thanks so much for taking the time to pray for Dad.

T

Cancer sucks...day 2

Well, this new reality has settled with us all a bit. Then it unsettles and we all cry a lot...and then we find faith and look ahead with hope knowing that God has been mericful in letting this be found now, before it got worse.

This morning mom and dad went to the hospital and met with a doctor. I'm pretty sure dad left the meeting with the surgeon a little nauseated and nervous and understandably so. About 1 1/2 feet was removed from his colon as well as the surrounding lymph nodes and the tumor which was about the size of a tangerine. He didn't see any areas of concern in the liver or surrounding areas and said the lymph nodes didn't give him any indication for concern although they will be sent to pathology for testing along with everything else. At this point the initial diagnosis is Stage II colon cancer. When I left the hospital he had a fever and was struggling with the reaction to the pain medication. The pathology results will confirm all of the doctor's preliminary thoughts in a few days which will give us the info necessary to form a plan (chemo, etc.). The surgeon was pleased and said there were no surprises...we are so grateful for that.

When we got to the hospital dad had just gone into surgery so we spent several hours sitting with mom...it was nice to just sit and talk and discuss together. After the surgeon came out to talk to us I think we both regained an appetite and grabbed a little dinner before meeting dad upstairs; nobody was allowed in recovery. I could tell he was uncomfortable; he is allergic to his pain meds and the benadryl and nubain weren't helping the itching so they are working on that. He was obviously uncomfortable but of course, concerned for us and not wanting anyone to worry about him. He was touched about all of the kind comments everyone has had about him and all of the prayers...it means so much more than anyone knows.

It's amazing how, when you find yourself in the thick of things, people show up to offer support and love...that's what life is about. No amount of money, level of comfort or sense of accomplishment can rival the value of relationships...family and friends carry with them the weight of eternity, memories and largely define where we fit in the world.

I appreciate you...my family appreciates you...every prayer, every kind comment is a blessing in a way you cannot understand. Thank you for covering dad with prayer and encouraging him with love and laughter.

We do not yet know what road will be ahead but we do know that we will walk it together.

I'll update as much as possible here.

Thea

Cancer sucks

Have you ever met my dad? He's fun...funny...all about his family. Committed...hard working. He has a great laugh and the lines in his cheeks when he smiles (like a real smile) make his smile contagious. Everyone loves him.

This is a post I don't want to write...not sure how to write...and am too tired to write. Still, somehow, writing gives me some peace since I can sort through thoughts and articulate them in a way that I can leave them on the page and relax.

Today I woke up to the sounds of kids talking in their bedroom and Eric getting ready for work...a normal day. I had homework, a few tests and a lab to complete which felt a little impossible. I knew Dad was having a colonoscopy this morning; something he wasn't fond of and has been putting off for a while after years of stomach problems and pain. The past few days it has occurred to me "what if he has cancer?" and I dismissed it really thinking it couldn't be...but it kept coming up and there has been a part of me that was expecting it. I felt guilty for 'expecting' it and set it all aside.

This afternoon I ran upstairs to grab my phone and computer so I could study for a test. I saw that I had a voice mail and immediately I knew. I didn't want to check the message or see who had called...I knew it was from mom.

I dialed and listened and it was too uninformative of a voice mail to not be bad...she doesn't usually leave messages just for the sake of saying nothing...after a few texts we finally got on the phone...

"What'd the doctor say?"

"They found a tumor...it's cancer"

"I don't know why...but I knew it"

"Me too"

What do you say??? How do you respond?? How do you soak it in?? How do you get on the phone without hysterically crying? So many questions and so few answers. Dad got in the car with mom and I heard him in the background making jokes and complaining about the procedure...he said if he had chemo and lost his hair he'd be devastated lol (for those who don't know...he's bald ;) ) still, he has promised to tattoo green eyebrows if those go too. I'd venture to guess he doesn't remember telling me that thanks to the medications from the colonoscopy :). The conversation, all in all, was light hearted. I hung up feeling ill.

Colon cancer. Cancer. Cancer of the colon. Surgery. Tumor. Chemo. How do these words relate to our lives now?? I feel angry...at cancer. Angry at the situation. Broken hearted....for my mom, for my dad, my brother...for myself. While I understand that cancer is not a death sentence I also understand it can be uncertain. I can't control it....I can't talk to it, reason with it or make deals with it. I hate that.

My mind feels like it has been racing today - filtering through all the scriptures I know, playing through scenarios, praying for wisdom, grace, healing and mercy...looking at this situation as though it were a movie and not a part of the story that is my family.

Still, aside from all that. I love my family. I deeply love my father...I am his girl...the only one. He has a wife and 1 daughter...and I'm so glad it's me. We're a tight family...things are nuts and we annoy eachother and our lifestyles vary greatly but in the thick of it...when the poop hits the fan...we are always there for eachother. This will be the same - we will laugh, cry and walk together through this journey and the ones that follow.

I called dad back tonight. I didn't have a reason except that it bothered me that I was light hearted with him instead of telling him that I was scared and concerned...that I love him...and that he's not allowed to pretend to be superman all the time. It was a hard but special honest conversation. I didn't have anything to say...I just wanted to talk and be near him. I assured him I was not "all wrapped around the axle" - this is his way of saying 'don't freak out and lose it'. :)

Please pray for us. Nobody wants to walk through this but I am determined to do it well and if anyone walk through this and come out on the other end with some awesome stories to tell - Dad can. He is, after all, stronger than your dad...he can beat up your dad...he can beat up cancer...he loves Jesus and he is Irish. I don't know if there is really a better combo. Cancer sucks...but we will get through this.

Step 1...remove part of his colon tomorrow...and get more information. We don't know what time surgery will be. Probably early -mid afternoon.

Thea