Precious :)

Sullivan Grey, the brave!
Sullivan, an Irish surname, means "Hawk-eyed" or "Little dark eyed one"
Grey, from the Old English, means "gray haired, concurrent with wisdom"

This is how he was when I first saw him after delivery...lots of tears in the NICU that day. Just walking in felt a little overwhelming. It makes a mommy's heart feel helpless. So I prayed, kissed his toes and sat and stared at him a while. I couldn't really imagine how other parents do this for months on end. Not being able to hold him was, by far, the worst part. All of your abilities as a parent to bring comfort and love feel pretty stripped away.





This is a few days later...CPAP gone and now we can snuggle every few hours just long enough to nurse. He is so tiny and so wrinkley! :) I can't tell you how much relief I had just being able to nurse and hold him...and how much stress I had knowing that if the nursing didn't show positive signs asap we'd be moving to bottles. So I was in his room nursing, every 3 hours, on the hour, and napping in-between. My favorite moments of his first few days. I was SO excited just to see his face when they took the CPAP off :).



Everyone wants to see what's inside the car seat!!

And one day shy of a week after being induced....I asked the doc if I could bring him home, and, much to my surprise, she said yes! :) He was 4lb 15oz that day and is now a "meaty" 5lb 4 oz :). Give it time...muscles take time to grow! Bringing him home was so filled with excitement and relief. Evelyn and Levi had not been able to see him since he was born and couldn't quite figure out why Mommy was sleeping at the hospital still. We were all instantly in love! Ok, maybe not Levi...he's still not sure. He thinks this is his baby but he's not too interested in Mommy holding this new baby :). He will be a wonderful brother...just needs a little time to adjust.

Biiiiig yawn

Big stretch complete with grimace :)

Daddy helping Levi "be gentle" :)

Evelyn agrees...love at first sight :)


I know many parents face more overwhelming trials and surprises than we have this past week. That being said this has been a good lesson for me that grief comes in many forms and for many reasons. That no matter the trial you face, when your children are involved, there is no measure of severity because a mother's heart...mothers, loves, cares and grieves for her children when all is not well. I'm so grateful to know that when I cannot hold my babies...when what they face is difficult, the Lord does and He is faithful, ever present and all knowing. Truth be told, they were never mine to begin with...and that is such an important reminder, they belong to the Lord, a gift from Him...and I want to raise them well to reflect the wonder of who He is...that is, after all, the most important job I have :).